


Tommy Crashes a Baby Shower

by sprstarinfrance



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 07:49:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9538517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprstarinfrance/pseuds/sprstarinfrance
Summary: “Although thought to have died in an earthquake five years ago, former billionaire Tommy Merlyn was spotted yesterday in a Seattle area Babies “R” Us store holding a breast pump. Ditching his designer suits, Merlyn was wearing a pair of ripped jeans with worn work boots, and an aged flannel jacket. He was also to have been sporting a wildly untrimmed beard.”It wasn’t the first time Tommy Merlyn crashed a baby shower.(In which I make Tommy Merlyn the Deadpool of the Arrowverse. Basically crack).





	

**Author's Note:**

> I found this story recently, I'm not sure when I wrote it, but I'm guessing it was around season three (Malcolm still has the league). I needed something with a little less angst, so I decided to finish it. 
> 
> For anyone who reads my other stories, I'm going to get back to them. It's just been a terrible couple of weeks, and I really haven't had the motivation to do anything recently. 
> 
> Note: It's meant to be silly.

It wasn’t Tommy Merlyn’s first time crashing a baby shower.

 

No, that had been a scarring incident when he was 21, nursing a terrible hangover, and his royal tool, Carter Bowen had been involved.

 

 _Carter Bowen_ , _hangover_ , _baby shower_ , enough said.

 

It wasn’t his second time either. The second time was much more awkward, he had forgot his girlfriend, (err, sex buddy?) at the time had told him she was hosting one at her apartment. Which had been a huge dick move on his part, because he obviously wasn’t listening to her, well ever.

 

So showing up in just a trench coat and flashing everyone?

 

Not his brightest idea.

 

However, this was the first time he crashed a baby shower with an arsenal of weapons stashed basically anywhere you could stash a weapon on person. He was only thinking of his safety, since he had been on the run for awhile. As it turned out formerly brainwashed assassins more then occasionally had targets on their backs. He wasn’t thinking the obvious, being that sane people didn’t bring various knives, a couple throwing stars, nunchucks, and a few daggers to baby showers.

 

But in his defense, he hadn’t been sane in a very long time. He had bought a gift this time, and was wearing all of his clothing, so that was a start right?

 

The store associate at Babies “R” Us wouldn’t have agreed. Tommy figured that was from the hysterical laughing, because, seriously, just the idea of him being in baby store was ridiculous.

 

He could see the headline in his head, _“Although thought to have died in an earthquake five years ago, former billionaire Tommy Merlyn was spotted yesterday in a Seattle area Babies “R” Us store holding a breast pump. Ditching his designer suits, Merlyn was wearing a pair of ripped jeans with worn work boots, and an aged flannel jacket. He was also to have been sporting a wildly untrimmed beard.”_

The bored teenager probably just thought he was a nut job, and walked away after rolling his eyes, which was for the best. He didn’t know if the kid had any idea of what gift one would bring to a baby shower where all the guests thought he was dead.

 

Ten years ago Ollie and him would have scoffed over the idea of babies while getting drunk at a frat party, but now all the guys they had partied with over the years, were responsible members of society, settled, kids in private school, in jail with gambling debts… or giant tools with talk shows like Bowen.

 

And he was a dead assassin standing in a baby store, trying to figure out what the hell to bring to baby shower he was planning on crashing the next day.

 

Baby gifts were much harder then trying to track down the address for the current mayor of Starling City (sorry, Star City, seriously what the fuck was that? A children’s movie? Would there be dancing furniture awaiting him?). The low level dirt bag hacker he asked to track down the address for had warned him that he was trying to take out a target at the party he was going to have a hard time. The mayor was married to the CEO of some mucky muck company, and ‘they had insane security guards and like barred wire and shit’.

 

Tommy had to fight the urge to punch the guy in the balls. What kind of monster would kill someone at a _baby shower_?

 

Well, his former boss might have, but that guy had been worse then the actual devil, and wouldn’t hesitate in killing a baby at a baby shower, so that was a moot point.

 

Thankfully that son of a bitch was six feet under, thanks to his terrorist father who was responsible for the death of over five hundred people (that Tommy knew of), and was in command of a League of Assassins. Tommy still wondered why anyone would be stupid enough to give his father command over people trained to kill people. He probably used them to kill even more people.

 

His father was still a giant dick who should be dead. It hadn’t been the first time those thoughts had presented themselves. He thought that a lot during his childhood, mainly wishing that his father had died instead of his mother. Now, he sometimes he toyed with the idea of doing it himself.

 

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t sane enough to be at a baby shower.

 

But when he had grabbed the local newspaper at a Seattle Starbucks, (yeah, he was at Starbucks, some habits were still hard to break, and even assassins liked overly pricey coffee), Star City’s (ugh, he really didn’t want to call it that) mayor’s face had been all over it. And Tommy thought maybe it was finally time to leave his island.

 

By crashing a baby shower.

 

Granted, maybe not his best plan. But dirt bag hacker was a little off, it was surprisingly easy to sneak in past security (having a baby gift was very helpful in this matter), that was until someone backed him to a corner of the backyard, with what he could only hope was an knife to his back.

 

“Who sent you? If you think I’m going to let someone destroy this after that fiasco at the wedding, you have another thing coming.”

 

It wasn’t the voice he had expected to hear, not that he had any grand expectations on how this reunion would end up, but he hadn’t expected Thea trying to kill him.

 

“Listen, Speedy.”

 

That only earned him a very painfully jab to his back.

 

God, when had Thea gotten so violent?

 

“I’m not going to ask again, who the hell are you?”

 

Tommy turned around raising his arms slowly, the gift bag dangling from his wrist, “Speedy, it’s me.”

 

She burrowed her eyes, grabbing the bag, and throwing it down on the ground behind her, a knife still pointed in his direction, “How do you know that name?”

 

Well, that was rude. He hadn’t been dead that long right? He hadn’t changed too much, it wasn’t as if …

 

He grew a beard that he often forgot to trim, had a few new scars across his face or had his voice box damaged after getting stabbed in the throat, so he sometimes sounded like Darth Vader. Never mind, he taken to wearing clothes from the clearance rack at Walmart because he didn’t feel like spending a fortune on clothes that he would have to throw away after they got soaked in blood.

 

Thea probably thought he escaped from Arkham Asylum.

 

(Which he had once, but not the point).

 

“Okay, batshit crazy guy in my brother’s backyard, if you don’t explain yourself, I will call the cops.”

 

Now that was a funny thought. Especially if it was Lance. Maybe he should stop and by and visit while in town. As sort of payback for all the hell he gave Tommy growing up.

 

He snorted.

 

But what would ghost Tommy say?

 

While he was pondering witty things to say, Thea must have taken his laughing as some sort of crazy person behavior, much like the sales associate at Babies R US, although unlike the bored teenager, she wasn’t just walking away.

 

“Okay, I guess just a general run of the mill nut job then. Calling the cops.”

 

“What! I’m not a run of the mill nut job!”

 

She crossed her arms staring down at him, “So what kind of a nut job are you?”

 

Tommy opened his mouth before shutting it again; he didn’t actually have an answer to that. He was definitely crazy; no one made it out of the Pits with their sanity intact.

 

“Well, I’m not…” He started, but before he realized what happened, and definitely before he had change to question how she had even learned to fight like that, Thea had wrestled him to the ground, knocking him in the head with something, and everything went dark.

 

* * *

 

 

Tommy woke up to voices whispering.

 

“It would nice if one family party didn’t end up with a person tied up in our basement.”

 

The voice was a little familiar, as if she had been someone he knew in a previous life.

 

And considering he had a previous life it was possible.

 

“Is that something that often happens to you?” He muttered as he struggled to open his eyes. Not only was he tied to a chair someone had set up a series of spotlights in front of him like some sort of lame interrogation. If they thought this was going to get him to talk, they seriously need to step up their game. He once spent hours locked in a room with the Black Mask; this was going to be a stroll on a beach. “Must be throwing some strange parties.”

 

She gasped, jumping back a bit, while a second voice, one Tommy couldn’t forget even if it had been five years, and a trip the pits ago, muttered gently, “Felicity. Please step away.”

 

“You know a bag over my head would have worked just as well. Didn’t they teach you that trick during your Brava days?” Tommy quibbled, blinking waiting for his eyes to adjust.

 

He watched Ollie freeze, as he came into focus, his glaze stone cold, and it probably would have scared Tommy shitless before he had died, “How do you know about that? Who are you?”

 

“I was going to explain, but Speedy didn’t give me a chance before she knocked me out. When did she become a professional ninja?”

 

“How do you know Speedy?”

 

“Seriously!” Tommy snapped a bit, “Is anyone actually going to let me explain myself? Why do you immediately assume I’m a threat?”

 

“Because you were packing an arsenal,” A deeper voice joined the mix, “How did you even conceal all of this? Or get past security?”

 

Tommy shrugged in John Diggle’s direction, or rather attempted too with the rope still holding him back against the chair, “I once had a completely naked woman pull a knife on me and I’ve still wondered where she hid that.”

 

Despite the fact he had almost gotten his throat sliced clean open, he still had fond memories of that trip to Bangkok, and Asha… oh, did he have fond memories of that week with Asha.

 

“That wasn’t the question he was asking,” Ollie snapped, “Why are you here?”

 

That was a question Tommy still didn’t have an answer for.

 

Maybe he was just lonely.

 

While professional killing made pretty good money and was an ideal job for someone who had lost his conscience a long time ago, it didn’t really foster any healthy relationships.

 

Everyone Tommy knew wanted to murder him.

 

Like it was his fault their loved ones were dead.

 

In the beginning he didn’t know what he was doing, someone else had planned the orders in his mind, and he just followed along like the good little puppet he had been, and then after… after his memories came back, he had a code, he didn’t kill the good guys.

 

That hadn’t exactly made his former boss very happy, and Tommy spent months hiding out in a jungle, nearly dying of malaria, before Malcolm saved him; killing the man that had brainwashed him, destroying his entire criminal network, before dunking Tommy in the pits again.

 

Tommy wasn’t sure if his dad thought that was going to make up for everything he had done but he wasn’t buying it.

 

He still wanted his dad dead; in fact every time Malcolm was around, he couldn’t really stop himself.

 

That was probably the reason he hadn’t seen his father in over a year.

 

It was certainly a new definition of a dysfunctional family.

 

His relationships with his associates weren’t much better; Tommy really didn’t care who he had screwed, _literally_ and figuratively to get the job done.

 

(However he needed to make a note not to mess with the daughter of one of India’s scariest drug lords ever again. That was defiantly not one of his better ideas).

 

“How did you know that nickname?” Thea’s voiced snapped him out of his thoughts, “There are only two people who call me that, and one of them died.”

 

Tommy raised his eyes, managing to finally to wiggle his wrist out of the final knot, although he still kept them hidden behind his back, “Your brother right? Mr. Darcy over there?”

 

His interrogators seemed confused by the reference, although he clearly remembered Starling Prep making everyone read that stupid book. Tommy had only read it because he had been stuck with his dad in the tropics for a week his sophomore year of high school with no cable or cell service, and it was either read the fucking book or talk to his dad… and reading the fucking book was a much better idea.

 

Forgot to write the paper though, nearly failed English that year.

 

(He still liked the movie. Keira Knightly was fucking hot, Regency era clothes or not).

 

Ollie, however, didn’t even flinch, “If you don’t start answering our questions, I will make you talk. I have a way of making you talk.”

 

It was such a line out of a movie that Tommy couldn’t hold in his snort, “Are you going to shoot me with an arrow? Because I’m going to have to tell you that you wouldn’t be the first…. second… or the tenth, honestly. I’ve been told I have a very shoot-able face.”

 

“That’s for sure,” Thea muttered, and he could only smile fondly in her direction. He had missed her bluntness.

 

“How do you know that?” Oliver asked ignoring Speedy’s following eye roll.

 

“Please, you being the Green Arrow is basically Star City’s worst kept secret. Might as well just tattoo it on your face at this point.”

 

Tommy had made it a point to keep up on Ollie over the years; although the Arrow had “died” there had been no doubt that Oliver was the Green Arrow too, and anyone with half a brain would have realized that.

 

Plus, Harper was way too short to be the Arrow.

 

Tommy was surprised the kid could even fit in the suit.

 

“Is this some sort of blackmail attempt?”

 

“Why would I come all this way to blackmail you? I could have just sent a creepy letter with words cut of a newspaper, like ‘I know who you are,’ if I wanted to do that. No offense, there is nothing your offering that I want…. And I so didn’t intended that to sound like a innuendo.”

 

“Yeah, that’s my job,” Felicity muttered.

 

Tommy grinned over in her direction. He might not have known her very long before his untimely death, but he remembered her accidently asking if he wanted to spend the night with her once. Somehow he didn’t think Oliver would find that story funny right now. “I know.”

 

Ollie tensed his jaw, “Eyes on me. Don’t even look at her. Who are you?”

 

“A ghost. An aberration. Someone who should still be dead.”

 

This had been a bad idea, it had been too long, there was no way could fit into this world anymore. He knew he had judged Oliver when he got back from the island, claiming that he was a monster.

 

But Tommy was the real monster. He had done things – things he was sure not even Oliver would have done, not even to survive.

 

He had more then just blood on his hands, and most of the time he really didn’t give a shit about the lives he had taken.

 

Even if he wanted to come home, he couldn’t do that to Ollie, or Thea. Malcolm had done enough to fuck up her life; he wasn’t going to add to it.

 

“Last time. WHO. ARE. YOU.”

 

“Tommy.” He announced as he pulled away the ropes, standing up with his hands raised, as John pulled out his gun and aimed it in his direction.

 

“Excuse me?” Ollie nearly growled, slowly pushing Felicity behind him, as if Tommy was treat. He had no intention of hurting his best friend’s pregnant wife. He wasn’t nearly that crazy.

 

“It’s a good name for a baby. I know I’ve always liked it.”

 

Oliver’s face crumpled in confusion, and Tommy paused, just for a second, long enough to say, “Bye Ollie,” before crashing into John, knocking him off balance and taking off.

 

That sure as hell was the last time he was crashing a baby shower.

 

* * *

 

“Lyla find anything?” Oliver asked, pacing the length of the kitchen, rubbing his fingers together.

 

John dropped a file on the counter, “She say he might fit the description of a mercenary working primarily out the Middle East and Asian. But he specializes in killing politicians and criminals on more of a world-wide scale. We aren’t really his type.”

 

“Oh!” Felicity muttered before grabbing the corner of the counter with one hand, the other on her swollen belly.

 

“You okay?” Oliver rushed over to her side but she brushed him off.

 

“He’s just kicking again. I’m more concerned about how weird that was. You all noticed how weird that was, right?”

 

“I’m going with more then weird,” Thea walked into the kitchen dropping a gift bag on the table, “What did he want? It was almost like he just wanted to talk.”

 

Oliver glanced over at the bag, “What’s that?”

 

“Oh god, that’s not the gift from my mom brought is it? Because she already told me what it was, and it definitely wasn’t a present for the baby,” Felicity rubbed at her nose, “She said it was for later.”

 

Oliver burrowed his eyes, “For later?”

 

“Later, as in after the baby is born.”

 

He still looked confused but Thea caught on, “Gross, but no. That’s the gift our crazy could-be an assassin came with.”

 

“At least he brought a gift,” John shrugged when Oliver raised his eyes in his direction, “Surprisingly polite for an assassin.”

 

“Oh let me see,” Felicity leant over digging in the bag before pulling a stuffed toy out of the bag, “A Care Bear? I haven’t seen one these still I was a kid. Do they even still sell these? What?!”

 

Thea and Oliver were both staring at it with a weird on their face, before Thea shakes her a head a bit as she takes it gently from Felicity’s hands, “I used to have one just like that. It had been Oliver’s and then Tommy….”

 

“Tommy what?”

 

“He lost it when we on vacation in Hawaii when I was six. I was so mad at him… “

 

“Tommy!” Felicity interjected, “He said Tommy. You asked him who he was … and said Tommy was a good name for a baby.”

 

Thea shook her head, “No. No. Hell no. There is no way that he was…”

 

“Speedy…” Oliver started, as she continued to shake her head.

 

“No.” She repeated, this time more adamantly, “No … Tommy he wouldn’t… no.”

 

“Yeah,” Oliver snorted unconvincingly, “It’s not possible.”

 

But that did nothing to explain any of it.


End file.
